For this piece of writing I have focusing on my vocabulary and punctuation. I have been learning to:
- use a range of precise vocabulary to communicate meaning (Year ⅞)
- use all basic punctuation independently and attempt more complex punctuation (eg semicolons, colons, parentheses)
The pieces of my writing that are highlighted green are where I have shown my punctuation goal
Kim and the magic lake
Kim is a good girl she has two sisters called Taylor and Selena and she has a dog and a cat and her dogs name is Mimi the cat is called Cuddles (did I mention that they are rich)and Kim is the most popular girl in school she goes to a private school called Liaise elementary high she is 15 turning 16 on June 17 ten days to go.
‘Bye mother’ Kim said ‘look it's Gemma and Jessica’ (they are Kim's best friends) So all 3 girls walked to school together. ‘Ring Ring’ the bell goes ‘time to get to first peared Math’ Kim said not so happily she doesn't like math same with Gemma but Jessica loves math ‘oh well let's get our books out of our lockers’ Gemma said they have the best lockers in school. After that the bell rang for break time so they went to meet the football players but only the cheerleaders get to sit with the football players but they are cheerleaders so they get to sit with them. Kim’s boyfriend Mason the quarterback for the team. Ring ring the bell goes time to go to class.
School is over and Kim goes home with Gemma to work on a protect for science class. So they go to Kim's house and go to Kim's room ‘Kim's Mum said ‘yes’ Kim said ‘can you go and pick up Selena from preschool’ said mum ‘year hold on’ ‘sorry I have to go and pick up Selena I'll be back soon” “ok bye” said Gemma (Kim gets in the car and goes to preschool to get Selena) “Wow Kim's room has been customized again” said Gemma “Wow”
Mum only wanted to get Kim out of the house to surprise kim for her birthday on friday Kim's mum was going to pay everyone of kim's friends to be at her birthday.froom froom a car pulls up it is Kim with selena so they get out of the car and come inside [kim puts selena down and goes to her room to work on the project] “night Gemma see you at school tomorow” “night” said Gemma.
[the next day]
Kim goes to school to the lockers and she finds something is off about Jessica and all of kim's popularity is behind Jessica. Jessica decides to ask Gemma to join her but
Gemma said “No”
Jessica said “why wood you want to be friends with her she is so mean when you get to know her” “No she's not she is so nice you just don't know her as much about her as i do” Said Gemma “you don't need to stand up for me Gemma” said Kim “yes i do” “they are being mean to you” said Gemma “ok” said Kim [2 minutes later] Kim goes home with Gemma “are you OK?” asked Gemma ‘yes i’m fine but all my friends have been turned by Jessica and now i think i just need some space’ ‘ok’ said Gemma ‘bye’ ‘bye’ said Kim kim goes to her room to cry in her pillow ‘woof’ ‘hi mimi’ [mimi cuddled up beside Kim] Kim cried the whole night.
[the next day] [Kims birthday]
Kim gets up and goes to her bathroom but doesn’t come out for 30 minutes so mum calls ‘Kim come on or you'll be late for school!’ ‘i don’t want to go to school today’ Kim said ‘but it’s your birthday’ year but what's the point i've passed all my classes so a day off won’t hurt’ said Kim ‘ok’ said mum. Every morning Gemma comes to walk to school with Kim but Kim Isn't going school today so Gemma will have to walk by herself. “Ding dong” goes the doorbell ‘ i'll get it’ said Selena ‘hi Selena is Kim there’ ‘yes she's in her room’ said Selena ‘oh is she coming to school’ ‘i don’t think so’ ‘oh ok well bye’ ‘bye’ said Selena and Gemma.
Kim goes outside and plays with Mimi and Kim throws the ball and Mimi gets it. But kim throw so far it went throw some vines and finds something magical a lake a magical lake so kim goes close and it speaks to her ‘hi Kim you have 3 wishes choose carefully you can’t wish for money or more wishes’ said the lake. Kim tests it out
‘I wish for candy’ and a bowl of candy appeared ‘cool’ ‘ i have a great wish’ Kim said ‘i wish that i had my popularity back’ her wish came true but something happened
To be continued...